Though i think posting this wouldnt be a pleasing thing but i guess it wouldnt worsen anything more. Even posting why i got so upset and angry will make me sounds so unforgiving/uncompromising but well, it is already as bad.

I dont like it when yall left me out, and went looking for jobs.
I dont like it when i knew nothing about yall gg for a job interview until the day before unexpectedly.

WHY DIDNT TELL ME A THING? EVEN IF YALL ARE GG WITH IT W/O ME, WHY MUST YALL HIDE IT? WHY MAKE ME THE LAST ONE TO KNOW, FEELING SUCH AN INSIGNIFIANT AND UNIMPORTANT ONE.

I REALLY HOPE PPL STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW TOUGH/DIFFICULT/FUN/HAPPY THEIR WORK IS COS ITS SO TERRIBLE LIKE THEY ARE FLAUNTING AT SOMETHING WHICH HAD SUCCESSFULLY MADE ME SEEMS LIKE ONE LOSER.

Is this a problem that will surface when hanging out with large groups? Or is it new friends that came?

I dont like it when i had to resort to walking more than 1km carrying a cake simply because you two are not willing to couple ride me there (riding new friends).
I dont like it the time yall went to sell ice cream or whatsoever, forgetting me along. That was quite a miserable thing. It was when we went out to buy dk who's bday gift and when we was having lunch, yall simple talked about your selling the ice cream jobs forthcoming in the night/tmr. And why did it happen that ALL of the people there know exactly about it yet didnt realise i am not involved at all? Why was my presence treated so invisible? Perhaps am just that insignificant..

Aww, this ice cream thing had left me totally perplex for a long while,i dare say. Even when am typing this incident out i really cant helping feeling upset to the max.

And i can go on and on with the list, ok i am that narrow minded that i still rmb things that happened so long ago. But i guess it's the question that left me hanging and wanting to know why are these always happening to me.

i dont like it when you once confided in me how your friends left you out yet treating me the same way.
i dont like it when you said "No matter what, they should at least ask." yet you did what you hate.
i dont like it when i had think a long while of how to raise the topic to people to pay me for *inserts name*'s present. Sometimes i felt that i never failed to sound like a money-faced and calculative bitch. So after week and weeks and month and months of perpetual asking, I GAVE UP! *hope the couple of them have had a better meal with money*

Some of this lil things i cried hard and get thru with it. I made every cautious steps i can to not spoil this rly rly awesome f/s but when the same issue keep revolving ard me, i really can no longer face it that same way. I am equally not willing to let this 4 years of friendship come to nought but i come to realise i could no longer faced all this fluke occurrence like nothing had happen because it always strike on me. I really dont know how i can salvage this f/s, i hope someone out there can throw in some really good advices that i can go on with and not sounded like a bad guy. After this 1 month, i dont think things had die down because we did not even try to reason things out. The pain is still there and it got acute when i see you all. i couldnt fake on a smile and lie to myself that everything is over, we are back to the past


Cos it did not.


During this new year eve, i wished all of the fantastic ppl that left footsteps in my life, no matter good or bad ones, a happy new year 2010. I hope that only all the good things happen in your life.



-Amanda