Life is so sad. Yknw I've been struggling to live everyday, struggling to face the world and struggling to handle myself. But everytime i thought i did well, people just slapped my self -esteem so flat like i've been stabbed in the heart continuously, and deeper each time. No matter how hard i tried to hide my face from people, i just cant do it perfectly. Traveling in trains/ buses is what i hated most. I get exposed to all sorts of strangers and each time they laugh/ stare a second time, i feel downright insecure as if i'm truly the ugliest person who shouldnt have existed on earth. I tried to live with a better alternative traveling with buses since i can hide myself in a corner and get less exposed to people, yet i'm just so tired and busy with things everyday. As much as i want to believe some people dont judge, i cant. It's impossible. They inevitably have that opinions in their mind. Some people are nice, they think that way but didnt say it. This still cant escape the fact that they have the SAME opinion as the others who say it out. I dont blame them for that because i hate myself this way too - how ugly i look. I want to believe the world is kind, the world is not full of superficial people, but this is too hard.

So so so so so so so afraid of being judged, again.