Though i think posting this wouldnt be a pleasing thing but i guess it wouldnt worsen anything more. Even posting why i got so upset and angry will make me sounds so unforgiving/uncompromising but well, it is already as bad.

I dont like it when yall left me out, and went looking for jobs.
I dont like it when i knew nothing about yall gg for a job interview until the day before unexpectedly.

WHY DIDNT TELL ME A THING? EVEN IF YALL ARE GG WITH IT W/O ME, WHY MUST YALL HIDE IT? WHY MAKE ME THE LAST ONE TO KNOW, FEELING SUCH AN INSIGNIFIANT AND UNIMPORTANT ONE.

I REALLY HOPE PPL STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW TOUGH/DIFFICULT/FUN/HAPPY THEIR WORK IS COS ITS SO TERRIBLE LIKE THEY ARE FLAUNTING AT SOMETHING WHICH HAD SUCCESSFULLY MADE ME SEEMS LIKE ONE LOSER.

Is this a problem that will surface when hanging out with large groups? Or is it new friends that came?

I dont like it when i had to resort to walking more than 1km carrying a cake simply because you two are not willing to couple ride me there (riding new friends).
I dont like it the time yall went to sell ice cream or whatsoever, forgetting me along. That was quite a miserable thing. It was when we went out to buy dk who's bday gift and when we was having lunch, yall simple talked about your selling the ice cream jobs forthcoming in the night/tmr. And why did it happen that ALL of the people there know exactly about it yet didnt realise i am not involved at all? Why was my presence treated so invisible? Perhaps am just that insignificant..

Aww, this ice cream thing had left me totally perplex for a long while,i dare say. Even when am typing this incident out i really cant helping feeling upset to the max.

And i can go on and on with the list, ok i am that narrow minded that i still rmb things that happened so long ago. But i guess it's the question that left me hanging and wanting to know why are these always happening to me.

i dont like it when you once confided in me how your friends left you out yet treating me the same way.
i dont like it when you said "No matter what, they should at least ask." yet you did what you hate.
i dont like it when i had think a long while of how to raise the topic to people to pay me for *inserts name*'s present. Sometimes i felt that i never failed to sound like a money-faced and calculative bitch. So after week and weeks and month and months of perpetual asking, I GAVE UP! *hope the couple of them have had a better meal with money*

Some of this lil things i cried hard and get thru with it. I made every cautious steps i can to not spoil this rly rly awesome f/s but when the same issue keep revolving ard me, i really can no longer face it that same way. I am equally not willing to let this 4 years of friendship come to nought but i come to realise i could no longer faced all this fluke occurrence like nothing had happen because it always strike on me. I really dont know how i can salvage this f/s, i hope someone out there can throw in some really good advices that i can go on with and not sounded like a bad guy. After this 1 month, i dont think things had die down because we did not even try to reason things out. The pain is still there and it got acute when i see you all. i couldnt fake on a smile and lie to myself that everything is over, we are back to the past


Cos it did not.


During this new year eve, i wished all of the fantastic ppl that left footsteps in my life, no matter good or bad ones, a happy new year 2010. I hope that only all the good things happen in your life.



-Amanda

Just got back home from orchard.
Practically, we combed ALL Mango outlets in orchard, 5 of them. And bought nothing at all wtf oh ya reason being why we combed all mango outles is because i wna find the cardigan i wanted and i gna say its OOS everywhere i dont understand why am so lazy to look at them when i went for the sales which started on the first day!!! One knit cardigan of rather sheer and thin material for $39 yet its OOS so fast! =.= (singaporeans are rich reason 1) arghhh but oh well, i just bought the very typical and simple cardigan. Actually i've bought one online but it hasnt arrive so yea ill make do with this first. Went espirit sourcing for man's winter clothings and zara too. Yea saw one zara short incredibly pretty but i went to all ZARA outlets avail in orchard and its all sold out. Wlau singaporeans so rich reason 2 - $60 for a shorts so willing to buy tsk tsk. Next week will be all busy and yet i couldnt get ONE fo my xmas gifts settled. Adding to my already vexed timings. Whats more i got to get my accessories mend at raffles or ion.


GTG ciaoxzxzxz

I began to ask myself, why?

You know, sometimes i just got angry at ppl because i felt that am being treated invisible. Invisible in a sense that they dont consider me in a situation. Always the other party will feel that am being petty or sensitive whatsoever. But today, this incident happened again and i come to realise that actually by the actions taken by the other party i should have known where the place i stand in their hearts. Because such actions just implies the importance of me in their hearts, so so insignificant that my presence is no longer take notice of.



P/s I aint directing this post to anyone out there but is just smth that i've experienced and here's some confession?

today, everything felt so wrong :(
was alr late to meet nat and i was penniless
so on my way to the mrt at the escalator i saw an ahma walking over to the staircase which i dk why
so i ignore thinking that maybe she wna stand at one side and wait for someone
so i ran to the atm machine right in front
while Q-ing my mom called me so i answered and bla bla bla
and i was looking in the escalator direction and the ahma walk up the heading down escalator and oh fuck she was pushed backwards and fell on her back
i immed kup the phone and ran over at my full speed!
at that time there was another middle aged uncle who helped the ahma up so i stand by and loook and assit her to the correct escalator
that was all i can do
i shld just ask her where she's heading in the first place why did i bother about being late
arghhhhhh
really felt like a bitch it's totally my fault! for sure! i am the cause of this
if i helped her she wouldnt have fall
yknow, the aged cant fall like that!

argh
this reminds me of my ah gong when he fell backwards on the escalator
and those sharp edgings on the escalator scatched his whole back
fuck why wasnt i filial to him
why ppl regret only when they cant do anything to salvage the situation
sometimes i felt that it seems like ytd that my ah gong is still here with me and now today, w/o him, everything feels so surreal.....

just got back from visiting a specialist
my skin is in a terrible condition now :(
i left home with only $150++
yet all the facial products and consultation cost me $430.21 (merely 4 products)
so no choice i had to pay by nets
Caught appalled by that amt, the cashier explain that one of the the bottle cost $240 excluding gst
Moreover i did not buy the required sunscreen and cleansing foam.
Totally spoilt my mood cos i didnt expected such a huge amt on it :(:(:(

i dont have anymore $ with me now since i've just banked in my piggy bank $
how shld i get xmas gifs......... i definitely need to start choosing now since i gonna handpick so many lil details on the gifts and carefully sew/pick/bead it up.......................